The 'scary' Third Trimester

So, a couple of weeks ago i turned 28 weeks pregnant which means i've hit the third trimester! Not sure whether to feel scared or ecstatic so i guess feeling both is fine...

29 weeks pregnant

This weeks a bit of a crazy one for me, Barney and I have just moved into our new family home together and its going to need a lot of redecorating. By this i mean a HELL OF A LOT! Let's just say it wasn't left in the best condition. Very frustrating. I'm trying to be extra careful though with fumes and carrying things as i don't want to harm or disturb Mila. Barney's been a superstar as usual and has been on hand if and when i need him. So when i havent been painting or cleaning the new home, ive found myself reading my 'pregnancy+ app' and googling every single little thing possible. Some of which are probably ridiculous to many...

Whilst doing so, i realised that we literally have no clue what were doing and it seems there's so much to know.

Oh lordy.

After speaking with my mum and other people for advice, all everyone seems to say is "you'll know what to do when shes here, dont worry!"
Ok. For anyone that knows me, will know how much i like to be organised and prepared. Hmm. Do i feel it at this current moment in time, nope.
So, this resulted in:
1. Barney and I borrowing and buying books. 'The expectant dads handbook', 'what to expect when you're expecting'. These being a couple of them.
2. A stupid amount of internet searching. 'What to expect when in labor' 'signs of labor' 'first 24 hours with your newborn' 'how and what to pack in a hospital bag'
3. Making a million 'TO DO' notes on our phones.
4. Asking friends (with children) if labor really is the most horrific ordeal.

And breathe...

Do i feel better, kinda... No not really.

Ok, so after feeling like my head was going to explode and Barney probably wanting to kill me. I decided to do things step by step.
Firstly, sort out the new home.

After that i sat and researched questions i needed answering ONE BY ONE. In no rush, and not pulling my hair out. Things i found helpful were forums like Mumsnet and parenthood/pregnancy blogs were great and answer loads of questions. One tip: do not read anything that'll scare you or that is being overly safe... you'll end up ruining the last few weeks of your pregnancy with fear.

Next, i spoke to other mums for proper tips and advice, joined Facebook and Twitter pages like Gentle Parenting and Mum To Be. Other parents love to give advice and ask questions so you can gain information from them about pregnancy or babies upto 2 years old. Its great.

If your going to buy books i would suggest buying a book on a topic your not sure on like after birth or breastfeeding. They will help more than i book that covers everything possible!

Attend classes ie antenatal and breast feeding classes. Barney and I have a class in two weeks time on breastfeeding, hopefully it'll be knowledgeable!

One thing i found great, was keeping myself busy! By doing things that i couldn't wait to do, like wash and organise all of Milan's clothes into sizes, sort out her room and make things like bunting for her room. This really took my mind off everything and made me feel great.

30 weeks pregnant

Anyway, i hope this helped, a little maybe.

Some things are just too hard to let go of...

Everyone has one real goal in life, to achieve true happiness. You should treat people the way you would want to be treated, and that is something i truly regret not doing with someone that i cared so much about. When you go through a hard time you don't realise when people are trying to be there for you. You push them away so much just because you want to be on your own, but do you really? No one wants to be alone and no one wants to lose the closest people to their heart. But the more you push, the more chance of them walking. Then you realise what youve done and your world just feels like its crashing down.

Start letting go of things in your life that are stopping your happiness. This could be many of things. There are a few things i have learnt these past few weeks as to why i never felt myself, here are just a few. I stopped looking to other people for approval in everything i did/do. Its your life and it doesnt always matter what people think, if your happy with your decisions then thats all that matters. The way i see it is, think of how much you could really achieve if you stopped letting peoples opinion dictate your life. Its your life so you should live it how you want, everyone makes mistakes. That just all part of the learning curve.
Get rid of any past anger and upset you have gained. If you really care about someone but know they have upset you in previous times but want to forget it. Do just that. Forget it, start again and move on. No one should ever dwell on the past, as i said before everyone makes mistakes. So just make the peace and try to work it out. This isn't completely a way of 'letting people/things' off the hook' its a way of moving forward and forgiving for the right reasons.

So you have this image of a perfect partner and a perfect life? This is what stops people from moving forward. Forget this 'perfect' image you have put together in your mind, nobody is perfect. Be happy with what you have because trust me, once its gone and you start to realise it doesn't ever want to come back and its the hardest thing in the world. I know its hard to really admit, but sometimes you are wrong! So stop being stubborn before you ruin it.  The right person is someone that can love you for who you are, someone you feel stupidly comfortable with, someone who is there for you at the hardest of times and someone who you can truly love. Don't push them away because they make the stupidest mistakes or do the stupidest things, when you know deep down you couldn't bare to be without them. Its the same for life, life is what you put into it. The choices you make in life are ones that only reflect the life you lead. So stop hanging around, if you want it, go and get it!

Never give up on something/someone you know you truly love and want. Everyone has something to be grateful for, so start appreciating it. Stop thinking of life as a glass half empty but instead, half full. Appreciate the people you have in your life, its unbareable losing someone and knowing its mainly your fault. If you really think you've made a mistake and cant move on from it, dont. Fight for it. Try your hardest to prove your forgiveness. Everyone will work out fine in the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM

A fear of what?

In September 2013 i left the seaside town of Selsey where my mother, brothers and i resided and headed for the capital. I dreamt of moving to London for so long, so when the opportunity to go to University just outside of London arose i couldn't wait to grab it with both hands. I moved in to a gorgeous house with a few friends, it was great. I was happy, content and just couldn't wait to start university and find a job. At that point in time nothing could have stopped me from living there. My friends and boyfriend visited me and were all so proud and happy for me, it was the best feeling ever. I found a job in a bar in Covent Garden within a couple of weeks and started working immediately. A few days later i then started university, now it all felt real. I am a person who may come across confident, but really i am far from it. When i started university i liked it, a few days in i noticed it was hard to make friends. Purely because everyone had got to know each other living in university accommodation. As the weeks went by, i had made one friend. As i sat in lectures, i found everything being taught so interesting but i started to realise the course was not for me. I just felt awkward and something didn't feel right. It would usually take me around two hours to travel into university from my house, i would grab a coffee on the way and sit on the train trying to relax, but i couldn't. This fear just started to take over, something that i found hard to explain to people, so i didn't. After just three months on the course itself i decided it wasn't for me. I sat down with my mother and explained everything, crying my eyes out and feeling like a failure. She reassured me i was not at all and not to get upset, but i couldn't help it.

Once i moved back to Selsey, i tried to hide away for a while so people did not know i had been a university drop out. After a while, people started to ask and question why i was back so much and i couldnt lie anymore. Ever since, ive just felt like such a failure. Not just because i feel judged but also because i worked so hard to get there and after a few months gave up. When i got settled in at home, i soon realised my fear had turned into panic disorder. I would have panic attacks in the most ridiculous circumstances, for a reason i could not work out.

I tried to forget about this whole experience all together and start again, but i found it really hard. But i sat there one day thinking to myself, what is failure? My answer: Failure is just a life lesson. I truly believe the reason people go through such hard times is purely to make them stronger. Without failure, i may have never learned the crucial lessons that allowed me to feel stronger and a bit more confident. So  i have now learnt not to dwell on the past, not to put yourself down and never to listen to people who judge. The truth of the matter is, no matter how much you learn and move forward from a failure in life, you soon realise that failure does happen, even to the best of us! As soon as you accept failure as a reality, it wont be as big and as frightening that you once thought it was. To me i now feel like the whole experience has given me the freedom to move forward, experience new paths in life and try new things. All these i may not have considered otherwise.

Listen to other peoples life stories: I always found this really helped and made me feel 'normal' again. My brother has sat with me many of times and told me stories of his life, his roller coaster in life that has made him the person he is now. This always encouraged me to take risks in life despite the fear of failure as learning of a persons story who has feared in life too but has since achieved such great things.

Learn and just reflect: Failure is just a part of life, how you move forward all comes down to how you deal with it. I feel its all just a big part of building your character.

"I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy." - Tony Robbins

Onwards and upwards